EXCERPT

The Two Most Important Days: How to Find Your Purpose and Live a Happier Healthier Life

”The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day your find out why.” -Mark Twain

THE SCIENTIFIC UNDERPINNINGS

 Buddha was asked this question: “What have you gained from meditation?”

 He replied, “nothing at all.”

 “Then Blessed One, what good is it?”

 “Let me tell you what I lost through meditation: sickness, anger, depression, insecurity, the burden of old age, the fear of death. That is the good of meditation, which leads to nirvana.”

Some people think of happiness as an art, some think of it as a life philosophy, while others think of it as a practice. This is certainly all true but there is one more fundamental truth: Steps can be taken to intuitively or deliberatively navigate your way to a happy life.

 We know this because there is an abundance of evidence showing that the path to happiness is discoverable through scientific research. We know with certainty that the art, philosophy and practice of happiness have biomedical underpinnings and that a life abounding with purpose is a life brimming with happiness. And there is substantial scientific research to explain exactly why this is so.

 There is a robust body of research on the value of cultivating a life of purpose. Thankfully, scientists take this topic seriously and are invested in broadening our understanding of the process and outcomes. This progression of knowledge has been decades in the making.                       

The Science of Happiness Emerges

It is not common knowledge that the field of psychology wandered down some alternative paths. Initially they pointed to the possibility that that there is limited human capacity for joy. Two of the most prominent psychologists of the last century were Sigmund Freud and B.F. Skinner. Freud built his legacy on the study of lust and neurosis. His focus on the human personality and its drivers explored the anxiety that arose from basic human needs being unmet. For years his influence resonated with psychiatrists and psychologists as they focused on the more animalistic and base aspects of the human condition. As they saw it at the time, what drove behavior was always something that was lacking, a worry, an itch that required scratching. Little consideration was given to joy, contentment, and altruism.

The next major psychology doctrine emanated with Skinner and his school of study. It was coined behaviorism. Behaviorism is a way of viewing the world with unfeeling billiard ball logic: “this” happens and then “that” follows. Antecedent and consequence. Stimulus and behavior. Explaining why a person engaged in a specific behavior was superfluous and irrelevant to Skinner. He worshiped at the altar of stimulus and response. In behaviorism, hungry bellies get filled and itches get scratched. Purpose is irrelevant. There is no room for talking about curiosity, gratification or reasoning. There is no room for joy.

Interestingly, behaviorism inadvertently led to a polar opposite theory, a study initiated by a young operant conditioning researcher named Martin Seligman. Seligman focused on how organisms learn to avoid punishment. The research design was rather grim. A dog would be placed in an experimental room where the floor had a metal grid through which electric shocks could be delivered. The stimulus of a light turning on or a specific sound could predict that the shock was about to begin. During a training period, some dogs could escape the shock by hopping over a barrier to a part of the chamber that did not have the metal grid that delivered a shock. Other dogs were blocked from escape and forced to endure the shocks. Over time, a pattern of behavior called learned helplessness was discovered—the dogs that had no choice but to endure the shocks learned to be helpless. When the barrier to safety was later removed and the dogs had the ability to escape the electrical shock, they didn’t bother. They had been broken.

This observation led Martin Seligman to plot the opposite trajectory of behaviorism, one that theorized and demonstrated the value of hope, resilience, and a life of purpose. Surprisingly perhaps, given how his research began, Seligman eventually garnered recognition as the father of positive psychology, the science of what makes people flourish. 1,2 Positive psychology is the rigorous study of strengths, fulfillment, and how to enhance what is positive in life.

Ironically from the entrails of this dire experiment that extoled pain upon dogs came the optimism of positive psychology. Through positive psychology individuals and communities can learn to thrive and to optimize health and happiness.

What is it that science had revealed about the relationship between happiness and living a life brimming with purpose? So much is known, and all of this knowledge can be used as actionable tools to expedite a journey toward purpose.

Finding your personal purpose is the turnkey to finding joy.

Purpose can be defined as meaningful experiences that are unrelated to babbles, expensive toys and material objects. Science has shown us that our brains are hardwired to feel ongoing pleasure from rich and meaningful experiences, as opposed to dopamine—the pleasure reward neurotransmitter—that is on a transient drip-drip-drip fed by expensive toys, houses, cars, vacations, and all other forms of conspicuous consumption. Dopamine dwindles over time. Like with a drug addiction, we build tolerance and require bigger hits.

But when we have meaningful experiences with other people, our brains reward us with oxytocin. We feel more connected. We create community and feel safe and more deeply nurtured. Friendship, forgiveness, generosity, gratitude, and service create these meaningful experiences. A positive feedback loop is created when we seek more of those connections, more of these experiences that suffuse the brain in oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

 When a life is guided by meaningful experiences, there is no chasing; there is only connection. Creating good experiences for others is a sustainable way to make ourselves happy. And when we are happy, we flourish!

 The Set Point for Happiness

 Are we genetically predisposed to be happy or sad? Are there limits to one’s personal happiness?

 Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ken Sheldon, David Schkade and Martin Seligman have proposed this formula for happiness:

H = S + C + V

H: Happiness

S: Set point that we inherit

C: Conditions of living

V: Voluntary actions or choices we make

According to this formula, 50% of our happiness is predicated by our set point and, surprising, only 10% is based on our living conditions. The fact is that whether you live in a mansion in Beverly Hills, in the shanty towns of Johannesburg or the slums of Calcutta, your potential for happiness is the pretty much the same, providing that basic necessities such as water and food are taken care of. Remarkably, an astonishing 40% of our happiness is the result of voluntary actions and choices that we make every day. That means that we're born with half of our happiness level. The good news is that the other half of our ability to be happy is fully under our control.

 There are some who believe that even the 50% genetically endowed set point can be boosted through a variety of means. These include exercise, behavioral cognitive therapy and, even something as simple as this: express gratitude each and every day.

 As Meister Eckhart eloquently said, “If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.”

 Traditionally, it has been thought that people generally return to a baseline level of happiness after joyous or sad events. This phenomenon has been referred to as hedonic adaptation. Evidence shows that even mega lottery winners return to their set point baseline a year later. Indeed, some are less happy. The only lottery winners who are happier are those who donate

As Meister Eckhart eloquently said, “If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.”

Happiness, as we can see, is a choice.

 Choose wisely.

Living Online or in the Moment

 In great part, choosing happiness equates to the decision to forge strong connections with other people. As the world becomes increasingly digital, intrapersonal communication through social media and texting can come to take the place of face-to-face conversations and of interpersonal connections. The observation here is simple: Choose happiness by putting down the phone, coming out from behind the screen—connect face-to-face.

If we rely on electronics as the conduit of a relationship, we create a false sense of relationships, and in this void of human connection comes anxiety and depression. A recent study of 300 university students demonstrated this correlation.3 The amount of time that the students spent on their phone was negatively correlated with their mental health. In other words, the more time spent with electronics, the less content they felt. The correlation between mental health and the reliance on electronics goes even deeper than the measurement of time spent with the devices. It comes down to intention. For those individuals who indicated that they were simple alleviating boredom with their electronic toys, there was not a significant relationship between the electronics and poor mental health. But when the intention was to use electronics to cope with or escape from anxiety-producing situations, the study participants showed troubling scores on the mental health questionnaire. Escaping day-to-day life through electronics can negatively impact mental health and exacerbate unhealthy predispositions.

The study showed that the type of online activity being used matters, too, and here is where research indicates that social media can be dangerous. One study showed that time spent on Facebook can lead to feelings of envy and depression.4 Comparing ourselves to others fuels negative psychology and makes us less willing to reach out generously to others. When we feel envy, anxiety and depression, we shut down.

Purpose, Longevity, and Health

While being happy and living with purpose are correlated, the work of a Florida State University research lab guides us in understanding the distinction between a happy life and a meaningful life. 5 Here are some of the variables:

 ·  Our relationship to time matters. Meaningfulness arises from thoughtful consideration of the past, present and future, but happy people tend to focus on the present. Happiness is of the moment, in the moment, whereas meaningfulness persists across time.

·  Happiness arises from giving to others. This finding confirms the adage that it is better to give than to receive.

·  Pushing ourselves is important to feeling happy and purposeful. Meaningful lives are not stress-free. They involve challenges and problem-solving. Engaging in challenges nudge us out of our comfort zone and gives a new perspective that helps us to find meaning. We arrive at new insights about our purpose after we have experienced a great challenge; struggling helps us understand, from a new or bigger perspective, how the pieces of our lives fit together and how we relate to others.

Having a purpose in life reduces stress, which, in turn, reduces substance abuse, anxiety, and depression. A sense of meaningfulness can even help manage pain. A 2006 University of Missouri study, published in the journal Integrative Medicine Insights, found that believing in God helped African-American women to address the pain and the anxiety of a diagnosis of breast cancer.6 Researchers found that this spiritual sense of purpose also led to patients wanting to be more informed, prodding them to seek information about their health condition.

Having a purpose in life reduces stress, which, in turn, reduces substance abuse, anxiety, and depression. A sense of meaningfulness can even help manage pain.

Richard J. Leider, author and CEO of The Inventure Group, says purpose in life can be found through self-exploration. Reflection, meditation, journaling, and prayer are suggested methods of maintaining a positive outlook. When you look closely, you see that these are all methods that help you uncover your purpose in life. We may find our purpose by reflecting, meditating, journaling, or praying.

For Leider, the sense of life purpose and the length of the lifespan are closely related. He says, “Death gives instruction to life; the longer we live, the more we grow to understand that compassion is the main lesson that we are here to learn. Compassion is the inner urge we feel to give our gifts to others… The ultimate purpose in life is to die happy; the way to die happy is to be thoroughly used up before we pass on—to be used for the sake of a purpose considered by ourselves as a worthy one.”7

 Living with a sense of purpose has been strongly linked to health and longevity, with anecdotal illustrations of death directly linked to loss of purpose. In other words, not having a life purpose increases disease risk and shortens life span. The absence of a reason to get out of bed in the morning translates into dying prematurely. One longitudinal study examined stroke victims and correlated their psychological health data with post-mortem causes of stroke. Those with no sense of purpose were 46% more likely to have died of an unidentified stroke.

 Most studies on the benefits of compassion and thankfulness rely on self-report—that is, subjects are asked to self-describe how they feel before and after the study activities, and researchers, more or less, take their word for it. In 2015, Paul Mills and colleagues took traditional gratitude research to a more quantifiable level. 8 They studied 186 men and women with asymptomatic heart failure and its association with gratitude, spiritual well- being, sleep, mood, fatigue and inflammation. For an eight -period some of the patients were asked to write down three things for which they were grateful.

 The researchers found a correlation between the magnitude of gratitude expression and circulating levels of several important inflammatory biomarkers. An exciting finding was that gratitude and spiritual well-being related to improved mood and sleep. As Paul Mills so eloquently summed it up, “It seems that a more grateful heart is indeed a more healthy heart, and that gratitude journaling is an easy way to support cardiac health.”

 From these studies and others comes actionable advice:

 Reach out to others to avoid loneliness and thereby increase your sense of purpose.

 Find your life’s purpose and you will take better care of your health. Your physiology will be healthier and your lifespan will be longer.

 Also, living a service-oriented life keeps you feeling needed and surrounded by the people and things you love.

 Reading this may stir a yearning in you to find your purpose. A cautionary tale here: Many find their purpose through work, but it can sometimes lead to excess and, eventually, a decrease in health.